Not all the instants in time are made equal.
Some may last and last and last. They are long days, or they stretch through them. Still not leaving us anything. Sand, flowing through our fingers, leaving us nothing.
Others may last a split instant. They come and go like flashes. The moment you try to stretch your breath to inhale them, they are gone. Still, these are the ones that will inhabit us forever. Small moments that changes our lives, forever. Sometimes we do not recognise them at first, we take time to understand that a precise instant will stay for us forever.
Maybe a lot of what we truly are is in there, In these small seeds. Maybe the hourglass of our time existed for that purpose. To create that single grain of sand in the immensity of time, we build all our lives around them. They are delicate, fragile, non tangible. Those moments are the ones visiting us at night, over and over. Some are there to warm us, some to cuddle us, some to remember us we are mortals, some to remember us we are love, others exist to guide us.
And on and on and on.
Not all moments are created equal.I got mines, we all have our ones.
They are our luggage, they are what dresses our souls, helping us being what we are.
#kittythoughts
Remembers, maybe.
What are the memories, coming to visit us at night under the stars, other times sneaking with us in bed before sleep? What are they?
Maybe this is what they are.
Splinters of Infinity,
defying time,
reversing its arrow,
swimming upstream
the mists of time till reaching us,
wrapping us, blessing us
searching for peace
giving us their peace.
Shards of existence,
to hold sacred.
Essence doesn’t know Absence
In Her Mind, over coffee
“You should see someone”
“I’m seeing you”
“No, I’m in your head”
“But i see You”
“Then you should see someone else, outside your head, and outdoors”
“My head is not so big to see two of you. Oh and you are not tricking me, I know what you mean. You’d like me to see someone outside my head. No, no, there is nothing good for me outside it.”
“No NO NO NO NO! And do not play smart! Shut up. Listen, remember what you’ve been told yesterday by that doc? Have you thought about that?”
“Oh yes, the Panic thing and bla bla bla .
I don’t believe those things, that is just a psycho thing. It would mean I’d a boat in the Ocean, taken by storms, unable to do anything when they comes.
I don’t believe that, it’s not what’s happening to me ok?
It’s not happening because I can’t afford it, so it’s all ok. It’s all chit chat.
Do not worry, I said I agree and convinced the doc he was right, he will be fine with me, he was reassured when I smiled.”
“NO! Please, NO! You understood nothing. A fucking NOTHING.
Are you listening? Are you? And Instead of that? What’s your head thinking? “
“That it is idiocy. But keep it between you and me, it took a lot and it was boring to convince him. The girl he was speaking about need just getting busy and distracted, once her head will be busy, locked, gagged, not fed, not let to dream, not let to cry, she’ll be just fine, trust me.
Oh, More coffee would be good, isn’t it?”
♡ 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 ♡
“Strong women do this, strong women do that.
A strong woman don’t, a strong woman do …”.
All over the places we are told how a strong woman is the one who doesn’t beg, doesn’t ask, doesn’t stay where she’s not explicitly wanted and requested to please be.
We are told how a strong woman should pretend to be this or that, how she should turn her shoulders in case this is not happening. Oh, no, I do not literally agree to that. It leaves out so much. A strong woman is simply herself, that is the truth.
A strong woman is the one
who doesn’t care about being a strong woman,
THAT is the truth.
I am strong when I beg and I am silent, as much as when I demand to be listened.
Am I not strong when I stay somewhere, even knowing that me giving my time and dedication is not requested and eventually will get to nowhere if not into a gift that may be used or not?
Isn’t that a true sign of how strong and self confident I am?
Isn’t a woman strong when she allows herself to hope for the impossible?
Isn’t she the strongest being when that will make her fall and then rise again to dream again and again?
How is it that society has pushed us to be slaves to a completely utilitarian way of thinking? How is it that more and more it is “do ut des” and aligning to a way of thinking and behaving that determines and create a categorisation between who is “strong” and who is “weak”. To drive people into seeing as stronger the one who “takes” as compared to the one who “gives” is wrong.
Such way of thinking is blind, superficial, it leaves out the core of of self affirmation, it does not recognise the strength of hearts in its entirety, cutting out half of it.
Take this writing, for example. Maybe this has no meaning to exist, maybe it will be read by none, or it can be considered small shitty collection of thoughts of a little woman, “weak maybe” because it has no reason to exist and will lead to nothing.
Well, the fact is: I am ME, and I do it anyway and the fact that maybe a part of me even hopes that someone smiles and feel motivated thinking alike makes me feel ok, it makes me feel everything but not a weakie. Take this writing, I write it because I feel like writing it, because I think these things, and if no one ever read it but it still stays written, well, that is one more reason why I am strong, while being a simple “dreamergirl” at the same time.
Strong women are the ones that stay, IF they WANT, till they want, and then go. They might stay till they get close to breaking, if they want, or till they feel it is enough, or not a minute. They can stay and then maybe regret they stayed too long, but proud they did their best.
Strong women don’t beg? Wrong.
They beg too, IF they WISH and find it worth.
They do it because they are strong, and their begging is a gift.
Strong woman are the ones who are themselves, full stop.
Dominant, submissive, begging, staying, going, whatever. They are any way they want and feel. Respectfully, with awareness, and heart. Most of all, strong women do not give a damn about being categorised as strong women.
I Stay, I beg, I speak, I write, I affirm, I make mistakes, I face them, I don’t escape, I smile, I kneel, I love, I laugh, and more.
Reassurance
Death, as they call it, is nothing,
I crossed the door, You can see me
I’m here in this adjacent room
I know You feel me,
I do feel You.
I am still me, you are still you.
what we were, for one another, we still are.
Call me the name you always gave me,
the one familiar to you;
speak to me in the same affectionate way
the one you always used.
Do not change the tone,
do not assume a solemn or sad face.
Keep laughing about what made us laugh,
about those little things we so liked.
Let our laughters chirp, spreading joy, as they always did.
Pray, smile, think about me but in the same familiar way.
Pronounce my name without any trace of sadness.
Our life preserves the same meaning it always had;
it is the same as before.
There is a continuity which does not break.
Why should I be out of your thoughts and your mind,
only because I am out of your sight?
I am not far,
I am on the other side,
I am behind that door.
No need to worry, to hurry.
Be reassured, it is all ok.
You will still find my heart,
you will find the same tenderness, purified.
Dry Your tears, don’t cry,
Eternity is in our hearts, we built it.
Your smile is my peace
{I saw myself in a dream. I was leaving loving words, after crossing the door, this is what remains out of it.}
Primroses
It is an incredibly warm winter.
Primroses are showing their newborn heads, in January.
February will come and it might bring its icy days.
That would kill the innocent blossoming buds.
It would kill these innocent primroses I have in the garden together with thousands other buds.
With no one to cry for them, guilty of nothing.
We, did that. Inattentive humans, caring only for ourselves did that.
Small naughty primroses,
innocent and beautiful, you wanted so much to bless the world with your colours to risk your life for your desire to bring us smiles.
Small naughty primroses,
I know you will do it again and again,
every season, never learning, never resisting to give love.
Beautiful little primroses,
I see us in there. I see the spirit of every little girl in you.
I see believing in dreams, in your simple “being”.
The little things and signs of caring,
they are flowers in the wild field of our existences.
It is up to us to plant, spread and gift them.
Every day, in one million little things we can do that.
For no other reason if not because we feel it,
because of how it makes us feel and the good it might bring.
We do that, and one day we might be lucky and find ourself
in a garden full of life, smiles and flowers.
Let’s never waste the opportunity to seed joy.
Tie me
Warning: Passionate Daring Daydream
Oh Yes, please, tie me, so that You will witness how I long all day, to stretch my hand to offer Thee myself.
Tie me as a proof of my trust in You doing to me whatever You wish.
Offered, One with you, Relying.
And when You will, You will sense in every cell how I will be aching even more for your return, fierce, desirous, YOURS.
Tie me with your love, Your care, the power that binds us.
And if You tie me and be silent, You will know me there and you will smile. Do it and I will make You feel the Goddess in my mortal life. Do it and my love, lust, and sacred desire will pull You, making You feel like hurrying to Your Kitty to find her melting in lustrous desire and immense true living passion.
Tie-me-not, because I am tied to You already and forever.
Tie-me-yes, though please!
Let o/Our love Tie me, let my Love crave You.
Tie me to the bedposts please, allow yourself to do that to Your Kitty please, so that she will pant for hours even more in the need of you.
Amplify this devouring need already filling my every minute that I cannot conceive to be greater.
Tie me there please, and I will fill Your heart with the image of me and my Love. Allow yourself to do it please and I promise to inhabit Your soul with the vision of my mind, heart and body, as I truly am, every moment of the day: YOURS, tied, belonging. It will have in you even more palpable, the burning feeling of this love that is all Yours and need You and only You to set on fire our existences.
Already
You have me tied,
intertwined forever,
in unbreakable Oneness.
On Names
Because a name may by itself be a prayer.
Because its sound can express an entire universe and letting it go from our lips can be life
What is there in a name?
In the end, in it there is all that we charge it with
So, for me, yesterday night, it was “Her name”.
It was closing the eyes and whispering it.
A “name” can be many things to us.
A name can be life, breath,
a name can be terror,
a name can be music,
a name can be tears,
a name can be …
The name will never truly be what we FORCE it to be, it will just be what it represent within us, for us.
What we feel it is.
It can be everything but at the same time we cannot make it to be everything.
In the end
every day, every night
if we close the eyes to “feel”
and chant “the name”,
then it will respond
it will speak its nature to us.
Last night I stopped the book I was reading.
I whispered those syllables.
I listened to what they filled me with
and they spoke.
In my bed I whispered.
I listened to it all
till exhaustion killed the shouts
till staying down killed the shouts
I got flooded with it all
I got cuddled with it all
Kitty Michelle's Universe 