Poems ~ Stories ~ Thoughts ~ Compositions
Maybe some were misunderstanding
Maybe some: due to life,
some, burst of the moment
some others, stubborn power display
some, sheer indifference
some, personal issues,
some to display a power position
all of them clashed with LOVE though
slowly causing scars
slowly eroding
none of them by itself wanting to harm
none of them, from each side
all of them small, but summing up
none of them
yet …
Sometimes a Woman might like to feel desired. By her beloved, by the one to whom she gifted her heart and her whole self. Not because she her love depends on gratification, not because all she does needs to be reciprocated. No, for none of those reasons. Yet, she might like it. She might end up wondering what is it to be desired the way she desire. She might wonder what does it feel to be desired so violently that her partner can’t hold saying it, screaming it. She might wonder what would it be to have her lover stare at her with devouring desire and hear that she would seriously wish to make wild love to her 7 ways through Sunday and then again, for another week, and another and another. Unafraid and savagely not resisting to say it over and over.
Sometimes a Woman might enjoy it, or wonder why not, why not her, why she’s simply calmly reassured it is all ok, whenever she tries to ignite passion.
Her need to give love won’t change, but she might wonder.
𝘐𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦
𝘐𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵
𝘐𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘋𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨
𝘐𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘋𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮.
People say do not waste time on dreams.
It’s a mistake, it’s an 𝙚𝙍𝙧𝙍𝙧𝙧𝙧𝙍𝙧𝙤𝙧 with that rolling R that I got and for which sometimes I have been laughed and other times I have been told it is “cute”. So, to me it is an eRRoR eRrRor erRror, standing prRoud on my scratching rR.
We have to follow our dreams, we do.
“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘭 𝘓𝘢𝘥𝘺?” You might say.
“𝘈 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮, 𝘭𝘪𝘭 𝘓𝘢𝘥𝘺? 𝘈 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘧 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘺”
“Oh no, world, Oh no gentlemen, You do not understand, you do not get it, don’t you see it?
The 𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢, the one with the capital D, which is personal and preciously ours, well, you have to spot it, you have to caress it, understand it, peel its layers, caress its skin, understand its every fold and where it would lead. You have to spend time on it, you have to FEEL it. Feel it in your veins, in your heart, in your barefoot runs, you have to hear its whispers in the night before you get your sleep.
The true Dream is the one in name of which you would give up every other dream, it is the one for which you are ready to disk, to dive. The capital D one is the one for which you are ready to give up little comfortable things in name of what could be. So how much will you ever be realised if you don’t go for that Dream? To live knowing you could try and you did not, wouldn’t it be something that will come to you, in your life over and over, any time things get heavy, to whisper to you “what if” ?
Then, at the light of this the question if we should pursue it sounds different, it has a different taste. But it has to be the D one, not a comfortable one, not a casual one, it needs understanding ourselves, not every dream is the Dream.
Then not pursuing it would be to subconsciously follow it forever, would end up in actually following it like a chimera, it would be like trying without trying, condemned to fail and have a small drop of poison in our soul.
Not pursuing it would be to go for it without riding the white horse, without the wind in our face. Because if you go for the TRUE Dream, then you can’t lose, because even riding the horse forever would be to have it to conquer it, to Live.
People say do not waste time on dreams.
It’s a mistake, it’s an eRrRrrrRror with that rolling R that I got and for which sometimes I have been laughed and other times I have been told it is “cute”. So, to me it is an eRRoR eRrRor erRror, standing prRoud on my scratching rR.
We have to follow our dreams, we do.
“What are you saying you sweet lil Lady?” You might say.
“A dream, lil Lady? A dream is by definition a dream. You are naif dreamy lady”.
“Oh no, world, Oh no gentlemen, You do not understand, you do not get it, don’t you see it?
The Dream, the one with the capital D, which is personal and preciously ours, well, you have to spot it, you have to caress it, understand it, peel its layers, caress its skin, understand its every fold and where it would lead. You have to spend time on it, you have to FEEL it. Feel it in your veins, in your heart, in your barefoot runs, you have to hear its whispers in the night before you get your sleep.
The true Dream is the one in name of which you would give up every other dream, it is the one for which you are ready to disk, to dive. The capital D one is the one for which you are ready to give up little comfortable things in name of what could be. So how much will you ever be realised if you don’t go for that Dream? To live knowing you could try and you did not, wouldn’t it be something that will come to you, in your life over and over, any time things get heavy, to whisper to you “what if” ?
Then, at the light of this the question if we should pursue it sounds different, it has a different taste. But it has to be the D one, not a comfortable one, not a casual one, it needs understanding ourselves, not every dream is the Dream.
Then not pursuing it would be to subconsciously follow it forever, would end up in actually following it like a chimera, it would be like trying without trying, condemned to fail and have a small drop of poison in our soul.
Not pursuing it would be to go for it without riding the white horse, without the wind in our face. Because if you go for the TRUE Dream, then you can’t lose, because even riding the horse forever would be to have it to conquer it, to Live.
By
“That Rumbling Whisper in Me”
“That wild invisible kitty and dragon girl in me”
Sometimes strength and love is expressed at their peak, when we say
“Please” or “Sorry” or “I’m Lost”
when we ask for help, when we apologise, when we let it flood we openly speak we say we need help.
To do that is love, to me it is.
I want to think everyone can do mistakes.
I want to think that when someone does the very best, respectfully, with love, passion and dedication, errors may come, adjustments might be needed to make things work, but errors are possible.
I love the idea we live in a world where we are not paralysed by the fear of mistaking, and where we help each other to achieve the best, for everyone even by stepping back if needed, but with joy for mutual growth of us all.
Mistaking is human, and as for me, I think that recognising asking the help of others, that is strength, not weakness, maybe one of the highest forms of strength. I can be a strong woman, in fact strong enough to ask for help when I need it, defend my positions, and intentions, and go through them, and even apologise when needed.
Reflections over the things of Life
I like when I find bookmarks in my books, they are like timestoppers. When we place them we do it to mark a place, yet, we are doing more, and this extra is something elusive, at the moment, but powerful.
By marking a place, we actually mark the time too. We put a mark on the time in which we marked the place, and the two are inseparable, they are linked together.
So when we find one of such objects, say a bookmark within the pages of a novel we read when we were young, they can perform this magic, they do take us back.
They do it to me, at least. The cute dried lavender flower inside the page of the poetry book I opened this weekend was like teleporters taking me back in time.
Every time I find one such things in the books my mind can’t help going back to the moment I placed it, the moment I read that book, the moment I bought it, or the feelings I got when reading it. Memories that can be anything: the excitement, the dress I was wearing, thoughts of me in my room, the vision of myself reading in summer, by the sea, and on, and on, and on.
Magic, magic all around us
Small Gems.
If you ask about how it feels, to be a Volcano, I know it.
Alas, did you ever ask yourself about it?
Are they happy when they break the crust and sprinkle all they got?
Or maybe they are angry?
Is it tears that they scream out of their burning head?
Is it passion?
How much did it take for all of it to come out? Was she suffering all of the time? In silence?
Was she ranting? Maybe she tried to channel it out in other ways, where? Did she succeeded in doing so?
It can take ages for a Volcano to finally come out, days, weeks, months, ages. It mounted up slowly, and most of the times Volcanoes do not end up being Volcanoes. They fade before, but when they do, is that an happier ending?
Volcanoes do shape the world, they create conditions for life, they modify the athmosphere, bring out life and feed the ground with novelty, renewed energy and soil for the new.
Volcanoes,
beautiful beasts,
beautiful Volcanoes,
Your energy is holy.
You are a metaphor,
a metaphor of the soul,
something to learn from.
Holy Volcanoes.
When I love, when I care, when someone is in my heart I am curious, I get curious, I am both constantly thirsty and peacefully confident.
I am curious about her, about anything hers, just anything.
Her morning breath, her dreams, her thoughts, anything she does, her pains, sorrows, smiles, boring routine. Before anyone else’s activity my heart is curious about hers, naturally before.
It is not restlessness it is rather thirst, thirst for something whose mere existence is, in whatever way, enough to quench this thirst, and trigger more, more passion, love, nearness, joy. Just the thought of it all suffices, but the thirst exists. I am not lost if I don’t satisfy these needs, but I am better, stronger, and feel happier, with pursuing them. They do add, they do add to my life, and spirit.
Together with this there is also the desire to have her feel it. To have her feel that I am curious of anything hers and have her feel she comes first. To have her know it. The fact that she knows it already is not a good reason for not proving it, for not showing it. Not a sufficient reason to not celebrate it, and celebrate her every little thing, valuing each of them and letting her know it. There is no need of big things, sometimes no need to say a thing, still, it is important to let her feel it and from my side to proof it to her, as unnecessary as it is. And I know it is an unnecessary necessity for her too, I’d go further, I’d go as far to say that it is so for everyone. in a relationship. In my world, it is so, in my too extreme mind, it is so and it has to be so. Who is in my heart does not need to say a thing, every one who is truly loved deserve to feel it, to feel that way. Every loving heart deserves it, and no loving one should need to ask for it, it makes me feel I would have failed, if I realise I dont deliver that. The way I am is this, it’s like that, for those like me, I couldn’t do without having this push, this curiosity, it would mean she’s not the one I have in my heart, because having love for someone means having that, doing that.
I’m just like that.
More than that, as crazy as I am, I think it is the same for everyone (in a special personal way), then, I’m just crazier than others, and that makes me say it out loud (needing to, maybe), and writing it down.
Intelligence, Mmmh.
I remember the time when people used to say that we will have a “thinking machine” when we will be able to realise something (or the code) that will be able to beat a human in the game of Chess. For many many years this would be the true benchmark for an intelligent-capable-machine. The idea behind that was that game of chess and the incredible complexity that opens up move after move, in a chess match, seemed to be something that only a “true thinking brain” (organic), could eventually master. It seemed to be a realm where computation is not anymore sufficient, and other skills needed to kick in. Skills that could only arise in an intelligent system, organic or not. Skills like creativity, intuit, “thinking out of the box”, etc.
Generations of programmers worked on that (not many actually), and time came when the machines got better and better, starting to beat humans. °Oooh, just a glitch, just luck”, was the first reaction, but then it happened again, and the code got refined, and it started happening, again, and again, and again. Then, four years before the end of the millennium, Deep Blue won over Garry Kasparov. I am not going in detail into narrating the path lead to the epic challenge, and the evolution of it (it is a beautiful incredible story though).
I rather prefer (for now) to just move to what happened “after”.
So: the code was able to to win. The question now was: was it intelligence?
What happened to the above statement?
Well as we can imagine, the outcome of it all was something very “human”.
What happened was that the human genre moved the bar. We started saying “Oh, no, Chess was not the right choice, we will rather have a thinking machine when the code will be able to win with a Go grand master”. We were joking, it’s Go, not Chess.
Well, You all can guess what happened next. Yes, it happened.
We refined the algorithms, we developed a new mathematics, and out of that came “Alpha Go”. And Alpha Go won the greatest of all Go players. And You can imagine what the humans did.
We moved the bar, again, without much worries.
I have much more to write, and I will write something, in part II.
I stop in here for now. Before doing that I want to take your hand and take you back to the original question. To think about that, in a different way, in a deeper way. The above facts forces us into a different class of questions, questions like:
What is a true benchmark for “human intelligence” ?
and
Will we (human race) ever be ready for a different kind of intelligence?
Will we ever accept it?
Is it in the human nature to refuse and battle against the mere existence of such thing?
Next One on this will deal with:
Intelligence and Common Sense
PS: and there is more about that. There is the story about how AlphaGo works, how its daughter AlphaZero works. There is the question about the very nature in which they work, and the reflection about the mechanism in which our mind works, and … more.
With Love, humble appreciation for the beauty of Nature
(and passion for Science)
TheCrazyKitty ❤️
When I am in love, the kind of love that for me is soul sharing, devotion, selfgiving, the kind of love that for me is the peak of “love” I behave in ways that maybe are not the ways other do. I understand that each one of us has her own way of loving and ways to express it, I got mine.
When I love, for me it means curiosity.
It means curiosity even if I am by no means a person that is curious about what people do or think, in general. Yet, I am always “curious” about my beloved one, where the word means being thirsty about everything hers and everything she wishes to share with me. For this reason I feel natural for me to have her know what I think about this or that, and I think it is natural and the way to be, to have HER be the first to know.
For this reason, to my mind and soul, the natural is for me to have her knowing what my day will be, or was, what are my plans, if I am to endure a trip, or I will be away, or unavailable. And I feel like it would be insulting and lacking respect to her, if I would let someone else know these things first, normal personal things about me, to have her know something mine from someone else, or hearing it from someone else, not directly.
In this sense, for me Love is sharing, and the pleasure in doing it, having the whole of me being a home for her and feeling unbalanced and wrong when the world forces in a different direction. There are different expression of love, of loving.
I do not feel the same for a friendly type of love, no matter how deep that is.
I do not feel the same for a family type of love, or the love for my brothers, or my sister, or my mother. Those can be silent, although this does not mean less “deep”. Yet totally different that is.
This deep personal commitment to sharing is a vital part of my “loving” in a relationship. This not conceiving to have a total mutual relationship for me, without me giving this: this is part of what is for me loving someone, a central part of what it means for me to consider each other’s half. Not giving this, for me, would mean to not be truly honest and not honouring what we have.
This is not so for many, and I see people being ok with that, and it is perfect. I am always at the same time surprised, admired, and shocked, when I see relationships having totally different dynamics respect to the ones that are core, for me.
World is beautiful, and it is beautiful that there are so different ways to compose a symphony, different rules that can create an harmony. It find this thing to be enriching, to see how there are other approaches to anything, kind of beauties at every scale.
Kitty
When we think about “genius”. When we are in front of a work of genius, when we experience the art of a “genius”, when we read a poem that makes us inhale, exhale, and say “Wow”.
When we experience that, in the end, what we get, what we are left with, it’s “inspiration”.
It is not the work “per se”, it is not in the contingency of that creation that the genius lies. It is in what it inspires, in the doors it opens.
So, to me, a work of genius is something that inspire, it is about the things that comes because of that, after that, because of that idea, that door, that vision. What is even more amazing and beautiful about all that, is in the universality of it.
The same holds in fact true for all aspects and spheres of the world. It is like this both for science and art, both for the spiritual and the factual. It was like this for relativity, it was like this for ancient philosophers, it is like this about new math theories, it is like this for the works of Renoir, the poems of William Blake, Quantum Physics, and on and on and on.
It is like this for acts of Love. Too
#kittymichele – Oct 2020
Kitty Michelle's Universe 