When I love, when I care, when someone is in my heart I am curious, I get curious, I am both constantly thirsty and peacefully confident.
I am curious about her, about anything hers, just anything.
Her morning breath, her dreams, her thoughts, anything she does, her pains, sorrows, smiles, boring routine. Before anyone else’s activity my heart is curious about hers, naturally before.
It is not restlessness it is rather thirst, thirst for something whose mere existence is, in whatever way, enough to quench this thirst, and trigger more, more passion, love, nearness, joy. Just the thought of it all suffices, but the thirst exists. I am not lost if I don’t satisfy these needs, but I am better, stronger, and feel happier, with pursuing them. They do add, they do add to my life, and spirit.
Together with this there is also the desire to have her feel it. To have her feel that I am curious of anything hers and have her feel she comes first. To have her know it. The fact that she knows it already is not a good reason for not proving it, for not showing it. Not a sufficient reason to not celebrate it, and celebrate her every little thing, valuing each of them and letting her know it. There is no need of big things, sometimes no need to say a thing, still, it is important to let her feel it and from my side to proof it to her, as unnecessary as it is. And I know it is an unnecessary necessity for her too, I’d go further, I’d go as far to say that it is so for everyone. in a relationship. In my world, it is so, in my too extreme mind, it is so and it has to be so. Who is in my heart does not need to say a thing, every one who is truly loved deserve to feel it, to feel that way. Every loving heart deserves it, and no loving one should need to ask for it, it makes me feel I would have failed, if I realise I dont deliver that. The way I am is this, it’s like that, for those like me, I couldn’t do without having this push, this curiosity, it would mean she’s not the one I have in my heart, because having love for someone means having that, doing that.
I’m just like that.
More than that, as crazy as I am, I think it is the same for everyone (in a special personal way), then, I’m just crazier than others, and that makes me say it out loud (needing to, maybe), and writing it down.
Kitty Michelle's Universe 