Poems ~ Stories ~ Thoughts ~ Compositions
Maybe some were misunderstanding
Maybe some: due to life,
some, burst of the moment
some others, stubborn power display
some, sheer indifference
some, personal issues,
some to display a power position
all of them clashed with LOVE though
slowly causing scars
slowly eroding
none of them by itself wanting to harm
none of them, from each side
all of them small, but summing up
none of them
yet …
I never really thought about “how” a dream start, I simply never really stopped to think about it. I know however how it happened for the past night one. This time, in fact, I woke up remembering it all. It all started with flashes, it was like watching an old movie. Thinking about it, right now, the best description I could give it so say that it started with me being a spectator sitting in an old cinema. It had the same kind of magic, as if my subconscious mind were suggesting me that I was going to experience something special, intense, magical. So, yes, it was that kind of magic we feel moments before the movie starts: the heart beating faster, the lights dimming, the squeaking of the old wooden chairs caused by our getting comfortable, the smell of the past and that sensation the unknown in front of soon going to be revealed. Yes, describing how the dream of past weekend started for me was very much like that, and even more so because the true start of the dream came with images forming in my mind in same way. At first all became white, and then flashing images started appearing, projected in the canvas at the end of the room of my brain. One image, then the big white, the film rotated some more, then, another image and another, with the interval between images getting shorter and shorter, till it became a continuum. Till I left my chair, and became part of it.
When it happened I was in pain, a deep pain, a deaf pain, a pain so silent and deep to have me paralysed, to have me with no escape, and unable to tear, unable to grasp on the black walls on the well where I was, unable to dig the nails on that well to make it bleed, and climb out. It didn’t take me more than the time I needed to close my eyes, to know the reason of that pain. It was a loss. It was the awareness of the solitude that it would have meant in my future life, it was the realisation of a chasm that opened in front of me, in this life, between me, and my mother.
She was gone.
Would she be ok? Was her last breath a silent tear, or rather a ripping of her heart?
Black, black black, and no tears, why was I not able to cry? The world around me continued to turn, to move, to make noise. It was as it should have been, but I couldn’t find peace, and I could not cry. I know why I could not cry. The same thing happened to me already, it happened to me after an accident, when I was 18. It left me tearless, for two years. My mother deserved my tears, my emotions becoming liquid pearls. I don’t know why I dreamed that, but in my dream I could not let it be like that. Not this time. Not two years, no silence, not for my mother, no.
Down there, with my naked feet and my naked body in the mud of the black well I had to do something.
Dreams are like that.
I knew what I needed, I needed pain, I needed pain, and it would have to be holy pain, it would have to holy pain. Pain, pain pain as much as I could endure. Holy pain, pain till my tears would have surrendered and they would have surfaced again, from my stupid eyes unable to cry.
I knew who I needed. I knew who would have understood that. I knew who would have not considered me totally insane, who would have not stopped me, and who would have understood my need, who would have listened to my begging, who would have understood what it meant, the holiness of it, and how there was nothing in the world that could have been more sacred and no act of love, to my Mother, and to Her, that this. Than my plea.
And so, it happened. I summoned Her.
She came to me.
She didn’t smile, no, no smile, She didn’t try to convince me not, to teach me how. She stood in front of me, I raised my face, while the most silent and greatest of pains was clinging on me and suffocating my heart like a black ivy draining my very soul.
Naked, completely naked I reached for the center of what seemed like a dungeon, but I should rather call “Church”. In there I offered myself and I begged to be blessed with pain. I got whipped, from right to left, diagonally, left and right of shoulders, then down, then to the back of my thighs. I felt the pain and the tears filling the room, filling me, Her, the walls, the air. It became rage, whispers, moans, laments, sweat, and burning pain, swelling, and then, it happened. She came closer, put her gloved hand over my head and bent it back to face Her. It was at that point that my eyes filled with tears, the image of the beautiful exhausted Her became blurred, blurred from the tears they were “Lacrimae rerum quae afficiunt mentem et animas mortalia” {the tears-of-all-things, touching the mind and souls of mortals}.
The tears of all things, all together, flooding me, from head to toes, North to South, East to West.
Tears, tears, tears and feeling loved and feeling capable to love, to reach, to suffer, to be near to those I love and feeling found, and the awareness I will never be alone, and do will be them.
I fell, I fell on the floor, and the time for kisses came.
No words,
Kisses,
Kisses and tears.
Kisses and tears.
This is how I woke up.
As for “Her” – She is “my” SHE.
She is Dominea Bethany Ann. My submission belongs to Her, such as my total truth, and the bonding Love w/We share. She has me, She just “HAS” me.
To Her, i proudly kneel
I am lost and found
the morning after
It all whispers Your name
in me, with me
Inside of me Your gift,
mixed with mine
You are not here yet You are here
the morning after
Naked
Yours
Always naked
Always Yours
Every morning after
If i were a Dragon
my soul would be shared with my Rider
If i were a Dragon
my heart would beat for my soulmate
If i were a Dragon
i’d fly through space and time
If i were a Dragon
my fire would come untamed
If i were a Dragon
i could not stand oppression
If i were a Dragon
my flames would hold my truths
if i were a Dragon
it would be our best or nothing
Since my Spirit is Dragon
all the above is me.
My beloved, to me
YOU is LOVE
It is not treasuring, it is not enjoying, it is not the pleasure I seek when I am ok, it is not the moments of peace I seek to be a little better when I am not, it is not what I chant with my writing, or the music I play on piano when things go well or wrong.
YOU is LOVE
because it is all that, and more.
You is Love
because I belong, because my heart seeks you, because my mind wants yours, because my body needs you,
You is Love because it just is.
You is Love because no lust is like our togetherness, you is love because my mind melts with my body and is wrapped in our intertwined souls in our being One.
You is Love because the world does not exist the time bends and it is an orgasm going beyond our orgasms. You is love because there are moments I would rip you apart, and “You is Love” in those moments. You is love because there are moments I would cry all the blood in my veins for you. You is love because there has been days in which i didn’t sleep one minute seeking for you and then the good night kiss has been enough to sweep and overcome all of it.
You is love because i/w/We do not need others. You is love because I’d forget the world and ignore others and I do have to force myself not to do it. You is love because I cannot stay without letting you know I am near, Yours, You in me, me in You.
You is love because I suffer at the idea to leave you waiting, or leave something ours unattended. You is love because it is outwordly, you is love because anything else pales, you is love because it is blasphemy to ignore anything ours. You is love because in all my kindness i could be harder than you probably imagine, to defend us. You is love because of the pride I feel being together in front of the world. You is love because happiness fades when you are unwell. You is love because a good part of my happiness is tied to yours.
You is love because i belong to you, because it is something that makes me feel like nothing else. You is love because it is where all my soul wants to exist. You is love because in your every word I trust. You is love because w/We are soul naked truths, when it might cost bruises because it cant be otherwise. You is love because i got no fear it will fade for anything outside us.
YOU is LOVE because it just is, because LOVE is YOU
{kitty michele}
Yes, I have been close and personal today.
I did it because I open my soul and write what I feel about, always.
Close and personal, and maybe boring, Sorry, me is this crazy.
Some says it is a human invention,
some others say it is an absolute,
some sees it as a tyrant.
It flows unstoppable,
feisty when you do smile,
it stagnate, cruel,
when life oppresses you
Time is yours, time is mine, time is ours.
Lovers time is a timeless moment.
It started when our eyes met for the first time.
Starting it all, stopping it all.
Fed and measured by our thundering heartbeats,
human conventions can certify its flow,
for us it will be subject to different principles
punctuated by our entwined lives
kneeling submitted and ruled by our emotions
Keep me with you through the time
if this does not scare you
keep me with you till its endless end.
Let’s ride it beyond reality
With our hearts in our hands
Let’s be each other’s hourglass.
Today more than yesterday
Today less than tomorrow
Yours, mines, ours.
There is a dream you dream the most,
you love the most,
you feel yours the most.
There always is.
It is the dream sneaking in you
from that small chink
in Your darkest rooms.
It enters in your night to steal your solitude,
wrap you and warm your heart.
You do not need to sleep for that dream.
It is there,
at Your reach,
in You
waiting for You
to breath it.
When You wish to do something,
when you get yourself into anything,
then do it at Your best
not one bit less than Your best,
not pretending from yourself anything less than the best of You,
the very best of You.
Only like this You can hope to smile proudly at Your achievements
Once you have done this, then repeat it for every thing You do.
Make it Your routine, Your goal, Your way of approaching anything.
Put all the love You are capable of, into Your every little thing.
Happiness will be the reward.
Accomplishment, confidence, growth, beauty, completeness,
heartbeats, memories of Your every effort and hurdle You had to overcome,
they will be Your reward and Your garden.
Surround Yourself with gardens,
give Your best, Your very best, in every little thing.
And so, night after night
their eyes, their legs, their souls
were used to meet,
battling and yet hungry for each other.
Each night
almost like a fight,
they danced
their primal
powerful
wild
furious
dance.
This is what they were: a “dance”.
Enriched by this bonding dance,
the morning after
they’d get back
to their wonderful lives.
To eventually meet again.
Legs
drawing in the air
moments of bliss and joy,
burst of rage and sudden light.
It was raw energy,
empowering them
and the ones around them
Again and again,
Again and again,
Till exhaustion would stop them
It was their “magical chord ”
Their eyes and their smiles
their bodies and their lives
renewed and strengthened
every time they fought their dance.
Day
after day
Night
after night
Time
after time
Love always involves a level of power exchange, there is always power exchange, even when there is “unconditional love” (whether one believes in such a love or not).
In that case love is totally offered and given, without expectations, but what is given, in a sense is also a gift of power, besides all the rest that’s shared.
Truth is that now, having my love, my beloved holds power, She does hold immense power over me.
She holds it and in Her having it am free, free to hand it to Her and feel safe. In Her having this, I am also empowered, yes, giving up control and handing it I feel empowered and I feel i give “The” gift. I give something of incomparable value, something holy and impalpable, strong, vital and pulsing.
To my Love i say: “Yes, You do”.
You hold the power to have me sleepless or have me resting well, or the power to have me smile, or restless, worried, craving, and more. I am aware of this, I bow to this, as much as I know it.
One word from Her and I will spend the night in restlessness, it can happen, yes. One word from Her, a caress to my spirit, and She soothes it all.
The reassuring caress on my cheek and one word, or She stretching and posing a kiss, with that whisper, that one, and Her girl, me, will sleep better. Every day, every moment, She can choose. Every moment, after all, She does choose what my day will be, in a sense. It is totalising.
Every moment She has the keys to that and more, every day and night She does decide, can decide. No matter of the clouds, the suns, the sadness or the tiredness, She has it. And I need, wish, need, wish Her to be completely aware of it. Power, yes, it is not taking out the romance, to say things with their name, She has it and it grandiose.
She holds the power of having me without appetite, or having me able to attack life with rejuvenated energy. She has the power of doing that and feeling herself like a Goddess in doing it, in having this at Her fingertips. She has the power of doing it and have the power of having me in bliss, and it is heaven when i feel the awareness of it in Her. She might rub Her hands together and think about it, and she would feel the fluid of this energy, if She wishes, or ignore it. She could do it now, or in one minute, or tomorrow, or never.
She has this since my “Yes” and I have Her aware of it and making Her feel feel blessed of it. It is more than two years that She has it, and I have it, and it is bliss.
Power Exchange, yes, it is.
She: aware of this fluid, of controlling the emotions of Her loving beloved one. She has the power of moving the head on the other side, when i stare at Her, and She knows the effect of that simple gesture. She knows that something so simple will cause nothing to anyone else, but it can wreck and hit, harder than any slap, on me.
She may just hint at doing it, sometimes, to feel it, to make me aware. She can even do this, yes. Sometimes if She wishes, She may feel on her fingertips, or on Her heart, the stings this can give and will give to me, to taste a drop of my blood, of my love, to then cuddle me. It is like passing thorns of a rose on the delicate skin, and knowing it can tear it.
She knows it, i know it, and we don’t want it.
This dance, it is love, the epitome of love, it is love bared to the essence, the essence or pain and bliss.
Decadent? Maybe.
Dark? Maybe.
Luminously blinding? Yes.
She has the scandalous power of telling me to bend and kneel, in whatever living room or whatever hotel or public place. She knows I’d do it, with not a word from me, I’d do it.
She has my dignity at Her fingertips and and decency and it was proven. She has the power of snapping the fingers to have it done if She wishes, or to do it with a simple nod, and She would see me dancing at the pace of the wiggling of the magic wand of our bond. She might do those things, like spanking me, and hearing me pant, while my heart explode off my chest inside whatever elegant robe I would be wearing.
Actually all of this is in the end endlessly more romantic and filled with love than dozens and dozens of dull roses.
She has the power of “feeling this power”, built day by day.
She has the power of, paradoxically, feeling me empowered as well, in all this.
She has the power of making me feel like a little damn Queen wanting Her feeling blessed like a Goddess.
She, me, the bond that we have.
Kitty Michelle's Universe 