My Way

First there is the seed, then the plant, then the bud. All of this exists but the real flower hasn’t blossomed yet.
What is there is young, it is “promises”, it is strong, it is full of life, it is “potential“. immense potential. Yet, even though all of this is existing, the flower is not part of this world yet.
It is an ember, it is insecure, it has to struggle, it has to break the soil, it has still to come out, leaf by leaf, bit by bit, breath by breath, struggle by struggle, joy by joy. Those are the seasons when time moves slowly, and still, every second is an explosion and the await for the next ray of light, every instant is a surprise and new steps, toward a fate that is there and the flower itself does not know.
The seed is there, awaiting, for days, for weeks, for months, for years. All the Time in the World existed before, for that to happen, since forever. Then the day/s come/s. The perfect water, the perfect sun, the perfect time. So growth starts.
Growth begins, then stops, then goes on. There are storms, there are springs, there are winters, but nature can’t be stopped and growth continues.
After the doors are opened, after nature said “yes” to the growth, everything changes, it is a new era, it is new rules, the universe is not the same. Darkness, before, was not pain, it was another regular day. Grey, before, was not ‘lack of air’ it was sleep, it was limbo, it was just another regular day. The universe is not the same now, the rules of nature have changed. The reward for this is immense, the reward for this is called life, it is called joy, happiness, completeness, balance of the Whole, the reward for this is called “love”. It is harmony not just for this flower but also for all the world around this new creature.
THIS is my love. THIS is LOVING, for me
This is how I am, how I was born to be, how I was born to love, to live it, and there is nothing I can do about it, this is my way.
Once the doors are open I cannot love drop by drop.
No, I am not cautious, I am not slow, I can’t live it in small bites. I cannot. My free time gets me there, my mind works faster, my body senses more, my concentration is higher, my focus is total on what I do, and I do have a purpose. It is not an “obsession” rather, yes, a purpose, a place where I belong, where I go and feel at home. It is my natural place when I am not ok, my natural place to solve the problems, my natural place get new challenges, my natural place for smiles and it is joy I wish to share with anyone around me. Yes I it is as if I myself need to chant it, to seed what I am experiencing or my dreams. I sprout life, I am an happy flower.

It is my natural place and my poor limited and blowing mind can’t possibly think that it could be different for the one I love. The rules of my universe are different. A day of darkness now is not another day, it is pitch black, and it needs corrected, illuminated. Distraction is disrespect, turning head is asphyxia, thoughts not belonging to this universe is something simply unconceivable, distrust is deep wounds leaving eventually scars, if not haemorrhage. What before was acceptable now can be pain, some of he things that before where were just a smile now can be source of immense joy. The universe is just different, because now there is this extra universe, with its own rules, and it is for better.
The reward is the bliss, because now a smile can lighten like one million suns, a word can fuel the heart for days, an instant can accompany you in your every moment, and give you the strength you never thought you had.

The touch of Her kiss is the fertilizer for your happiness, the simple awareness that she thinks about you is your nuclear battery, and YOUR thinking about Her is a fluid of energy that can reach her wherever she is, whatever she does, and feed both. You have this awareness that it is like this, you know it is like this, and every single smile you share, reinforces it. Lovemaking is “Church”, it is elevation, it is delicious sins, and laughs and more happiness, and everyone close to you will get some light too, and positive vibes.
This is how I am, this is how I love. I could be even more daring than that, and saying that it extends on everything in my life that is deeply important for me, although for “love” it just is “more.
This is how I am, I cannot love drop by drop, I cannot trust in half, I cannot love with half-trust and with anything more than the absolute.
So:

“Please life,
allow me to burn,
beautifully.
Please life,
allow me to feel it all,
never spare me a thing”.

This is my way.

March 9, 2020 0

Ra in a Bow

When the world was still sleep she reached for the edge of the grassy cliff. There she sat, pointing her green orbs to stare at the dark infinity in front of her.

She awaited, breathing the cold chilly air, then, it started.
First came the parade of the reds, shy at first they appeared like dim paintbrushes centered on a spot right in the centre of her field of view, extending left and right and fading up into hues of dark blue.

Then it rose up, pushing away the secret of her private darknesses up, up, and up some more, secluding it up in the sky and then painting it al in light and colour, putting to sleep the holy of the night back in its rooms.

The fire globe then appeared, crossing the dark line of the horizon. The dew on the grass around her started doing the magic, transforming those oblique rays into a thousand little rainbows.

This made her smile.
“I wish to be like you”
she breathed to herself.
“to produce rainbows, out of Ra, the Sun”.
“Ra in bow”

February 28, 2020 0

Not All Instants Are Made Equal

Not all the instants in time are made equal.

Some may last and last and last. They are long days, or they stretch through them. Still not leaving us anything. Sand, flowing through our fingers, leaving us nothing.

Others may last a split instant. They come and go like flashes. The moment you try to stretch your breath to inhale them, they are gone. Still, these are the ones that will inhabit us forever. Small moments that changes our lives, forever. Sometimes we do not recognise them at first, we take time to understand that a precise instant will stay for us forever.

Maybe a lot of what we truly are is in there, In these small seeds. Maybe the hourglass of our time existed for that purpose. To create that single grain of sand in the immensity of time, we build all our lives around them. They are delicate, fragile, non tangible. Those moments are the ones visiting us at night, over and over. Some are there to warm us, some to cuddle us, some to remember us we are mortals, some to remember us we are love, others exist to guide us.
And on and on and on.

Not all moments are created equal.I got mines, we all have our ones.
They are our luggage, they are what dresses our souls, helping us being what we are.

#kittythoughts

February 25, 2020 0

Remembers, maybe.

What are the memories, coming to visit us at night under the stars, other times sneaking with us in bed before sleep? What are they?
Maybe this is what they are.

Splinters of Infinity,
defying time,
reversing its arrow,
swimming upstream
the mists of time till reaching us,
wrapping us, blessing us
searching for peace
giving us their peace.

Shards of existence,
to hold sacred.

February 21, 2020 0

Essence doesn’t know Absence

February 17, 2020 0

In Her Mind, over coffee

“You should see someone”

“I’m seeing you”

“No, I’m in your head”

“But i see You”

“Then you should see someone else, outside your head, and outdoors”

“My head is not so big to see two of you. Oh and you are not tricking me, I know what you mean. You’d like me to see someone outside my head. No, no, there is nothing good for me outside it.”

“No NO NO NO NO! And do not play smart! Shut up. Listen, remember what you’ve been told yesterday by that doc? Have you thought about that?”

“Oh yes, the Panic thing and bla bla bla .
I don’t believe those things, that is just a psycho thing. It would mean I’d a boat in the Ocean, taken by storms, unable to do anything when they comes.
I don’t believe that, it’s not what’s happening to me ok?
It’s not happening because I can’t afford it, so it’s all ok. It’s all chit chat.
Do not worry, I said I agree and convinced the doc he was right, he will be fine with me, he was reassured when I smiled.”

“NO! Please, NO! You understood nothing. A fucking NOTHING.
Are you listening? Are you? And Instead of that? What’s your head thinking? “

“That it is idiocy. But keep it between you and me, it took a lot and it was boring to convince him. The girl he was speaking about need just getting busy and distracted, once her head will be busy, locked, gagged, not fed, not let to dream, not let to cry, she’ll be just fine, trust me.

Oh, More coffee would be good, isn’t it?”

February 13, 2020 0

♡ 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 ♡

“Strong women do this, strong women do that.
A strong woman don’t, a strong woman do …”.
All over the places we are told how a strong woman is the one who doesn’t beg, doesn’t ask, doesn’t stay where she’s not explicitly wanted and requested to please be.

We are told how a strong woman should pretend to be this or that, how she should turn her shoulders in case this is not happening. Oh, no, I do not literally agree to that. It leaves out so much. A strong woman is simply herself, that is the truth.

A strong woman is the one
who doesn’t care about being a strong woman,
THAT is the truth.

I am strong when I beg and I am silent, as much as when I demand to be listened.

Am I not strong when I stay somewhere, even knowing that me giving my time and dedication is not requested and eventually will get to nowhere if not into a gift that may be used or not?

Isn’t that a true sign of how strong and self confident I am?

Isn’t a woman strong when she allows herself to hope for the impossible?

Isn’t she the strongest being when that will make her fall and then rise again to dream again and again?

How is it that society has pushed us to be slaves to a completely utilitarian way of thinking? How is it that more and more it is “do ut des” and aligning to a way of thinking and behaving that determines and create a categorisation between who is “strong” and who is “weak”. To drive people into seeing as stronger the one who “takes” as compared to the one who “gives” is wrong.

Such way of thinking is blind, superficial, it leaves out the core of of self affirmation, it does not recognise the strength of hearts in its entirety, cutting out half of it.

Take this writing, for example. Maybe this has no meaning to exist, maybe it will be read by none, or it can be considered small shitty collection of thoughts of a little woman, “weak maybe” because it has no reason to exist and will lead to nothing.

Well, the fact is: I am ME, and I do it anyway and the fact that maybe a part of me even hopes that someone smiles and feel motivated thinking alike makes me feel ok, it makes me feel everything but not a weakie. Take this writing, I write it because I feel like writing it, because I think these things, and if no one ever read it but it still stays written, well, that is one more reason why I am strong, while being a simple “dreamergirl” at the same time.

Strong women are the ones that stay, IF they WANT, till they want, and then go. They might stay till they get close to breaking, if they want, or till they feel it is enough, or not a minute. They can stay and then maybe regret they stayed too long, but proud they did their best.

Strong women don’t beg? Wrong.
They beg too, IF they WISH and find it worth.
They do it because they are strong, and their begging is a gift.
Strong woman are the ones who are themselves, full stop.

Dominant, submissive, begging, staying, going, whatever. They are any way they want and feel. Respectfully, with awareness, and heart. Most of all, strong women do not give a damn about being categorised as strong women.

I Stay, I beg, I speak, I write, I affirm, I make mistakes, I face them, I don’t escape, I smile, I kneel, I love, I laugh, and more.

February 7, 2020 0

Tie Me

Oh Yes, please, tie me, so that You will witness how all day I long to stretch my hand to offer Thee myself.

Tie me, do it, do it, do it, do that as a proof of my trust in You doing to me whatever You wish and our wishes and dreams do feed each other.
Offered, One with you, Relying.

Do it, and when You will, You will sense in every cell, on your skin, how I do ache when we are not connected and how my love pulls you to return to me. Yours, fierce, desirous, free within our knots.
Tie me with your love, Your care, the power that binds us.

And if You will decide to tie me wordlessly, You will know me there. My eyes will speak and you will smile. Do it and I will make You feel the Goddess in my mortal life. Do it and my love, lust, and sacred desire will pull You, making You feel like hurrying to Your Kitty to find her melting in lustrous desire and immense true living passion.
Tie-me-not, because I am tied to You already and forever.
Tie-me-yes, though please, feel me!
Let o/Our love tie us, ropeless, through hard ropes. Let my Love crave You.
Tie me to the bedposts please, allow yourself to do that to Your Kitty please, so that she will pant for hours even more in the need of you.
Amplify this devouring need already filling my every minute make it stronger what I cannot conceive being greater.
Tie me there please, and I will fill Your heart with the image of me and my Love. Allow yourself to do it please and I promise to inhabit Your soul with the vision of my mind, heart and body, as I truly am, every moment of the day: YOURS, tied, belonging.
It will have in you even more palpable, the burning feeling of this love that is all Yours and need You and only You to set on fire our existences.

Tied already we are.
Intertwined forever,
in unbreakable Oneness.

February 5, 2020 0

Reassurance

Death, as they call it, is nothing,
I crossed the door, You can see me
I’m here in this adjacent room
I know You feel me,
I do feel You.

I am still me, you are still you.
what we were, for one another, we still are.
Call me the name you always gave me,
the one familiar to you;
speak to me in the same affectionate way
the one you always used.

Do not change the tone,
do not assume a solemn or sad face.
Keep laughing about what made us laugh,
about those little things we so liked.
Let our laughters chirp, spreading joy, as they always did.

Pray, smile, think about me but in the same familiar way.
Pronounce my name without any trace of sadness.
Our life preserves the same meaning it always had;
it is the same as before.
There is a continuity which does not break.

Why should I be out of your thoughts and your mind,
only because I am out of your sight?

I am not far,
I am on the other side,
I am behind that door.
No need to worry, to hurry.

Be reassured, it is all ok.
You will still find my heart,
you will find the same tenderness, purified.

Dry Your tears, don’t cry,
Eternity is in our hearts, we built it.
Your smile is my peace

{I saw myself in a dream. I was leaving loving words, after crossing the door, this is what remains out of it.}

January 29, 2020 0

Primroses

It is an incredibly warm winter.
Primroses are showing their newborn heads, in January.

February will come and it might bring its icy days.
That would kill the innocent blossoming buds.
It would kill these innocent primroses I have in the garden together with thousands other buds.
With no one to cry for them, guilty of nothing.
We, did that. Inattentive humans, caring only for ourselves did that.

Small naughty primroses,
innocent and beautiful, you wanted so much to bless the world with your colours to risk your life for your desire to bring us smiles.

Small naughty primroses,
I know you will do it again and again,
every season, never learning, never resisting to give love.

Beautiful little primroses,
I see us in there. I see the spirit of every little girl in you.
I see believing in dreams, in your simple “being”.

January 17, 2020 0