Another night. Once again she moved to her bedroom to try getting some sleep, once again with no success. Twisting and turning at some point in the middle of the night she moved to the kitchen, surrendering to the fact that sleep would have not come visit her, or maybe it did, in microsleeps intertwined with tears, and all sort of thoughts.

She found him there, in the darkness of the living room, after leaving the kitchen. She didn’t know if she was dreaming or not, if she was awake or not, if he existed or not, but she found him there. He was standing there. She could not discern his figure, his look, his shape. Did he possess a shape at all ?

Ciao. – He said –

Who are You? How did You get in?

She did not feel like being in physical danger, it was too surreal for that. She wanted to know who he was, why. She was not so important, or precious, or rich, or hiding anything special. Nor she felt like being such an interesting sexual prey. So who was he?

Michelle Michelle, I have always been around you, in your mind, I did get in you long ago. We get into someone through shocks, feelings, fears. We do get inside in the most different ways.

Who are You? What do you want from me?

Michelle, Kitty Michelle. People call us in mamy ways, the most common one they use for me is “DemOn1us”. Do you know what is a demon?. You all think it is a relgious thing. Religion stole also this from you humans. Religion wants to claim that right too. Do You know what a demon is?.

I guess so. Something ugly I dont want. Someone I want to kick out of my room right away. I got enough things going on already.

It’s not really like that, but there is some truth in it. You humans sometimes get the truth of things without even knowing.
You know what is a daemon in a computer operating system?
You humans developed that programming thing. You humans developed computers, then developed that thing, the “operating system” to take care of the basic tasks, and then, when doing so, you “invented …” (laugh) a little subset of programs that you called “daemons”. They work in every of your computers, they are little independent programs, that lives their own life. You know nothing about them. They are transparent to anything else your computer do, but they exist, they do little things, they triggers actions, etc.
You can think about me like that, it will help you understand better what I am, what a demon is. I am a demon, Your main demon.

Fuck you. You do not exist. You are just a bad dream, I’m dreaming about you.

Dem0n1us. Dem – 0, 1, Us.
I don’t care whether you think I am a dream or not. You are screwed up. Your nights are “me”. You know that isn’t it?
November 27, April 17, January 2.
There are things that will forever vist you. Each of you humans have them. When You have inside that void, once it has visited you, it can’t be removed forever. Once You have seen death … You know why you didnt do it? It was me, that day you didn’t do it because you accepted that you will carry the damnation of living, for not having your parents suffering. April 17: your heart. That time you fought, you were angry and you did not accept being sick. January 2, 16 y old, the party, you in that room: your persona being destroyed and brainwashed into being nothing, spirtitually nothing, sexually wrong, a weight for your family. Stripped of all that. It wasn’t good feelings keeping you here. It was the little daemons.

I will always be with you. Some nights you will vomit, others you will pray, you know that since then we will always be with you. All those days, everyone has them. Some are luckier than others. Sometimes You will feel like you can feel more, because you are somehow not mental.
Maybe you are a little mental though.
You write.
You must be mental, isnt it?
I know you think like this, I am you, in you, so I know it.
You write, so you must be mental isn’t it?
dont you think it?
You dont do drugs though. I still dont know why, it’d be easier.
Praying ?
You think it will help?
You beliebe in rationalising, does it help?
What when rationalising fails?
When it happens I dance and laugh, inside your head, You crack nuts.

Fuck You, I know you, fuck you.

You are crying, it’s fun to be in your mind. To make you write all this.
Wanna shout it?
Did your father know?
What did he tell you before dieing? January isnt it?
When he coudl not speak anymore and he was looking into your eyes.
When he was not able to speak, and you thought it was time to speak of so many of those little things you see so important.
What about love? Can you love?
And Your accident ? November isnt it ?
How was it when she looked at you after the coma after the accident?
Are You crying Michele?
How is it ? Should I go on ?
Should we speak about April ?
Tomorrow ?
Tomorrow night?
Again?
Should I return?