In my Life

In my Life I Love.
In my Life I work.
In my Life I study.
In my Life I listen.

In my Life, I don’t follow money, because through my life, I found out that’s not something making me happier, or giving me something. So I get what I need, for a decent, good, living, and that is perfect with me.

In my Life I try to do the things that fill me the most. I discovered that in doing so I not only realise myself, but I am also creating more happiness around me.

In my life there are things/activities that touches me, pull me, cradle me, connects me to things which are totally disconnected with those activities and still they trigger something. They are many, and many more I hope to find, but I try being dedicated and not scattered.

In my life there are choices, one cannot follow every interesting thing, my very personal belief is that through dedication we grow, through focus. It is a sort of self discipline, and it needs our attention.

In my Life, I love living.
Maybe I am getting older, but now there are times I shiver and I have goosebumps at the thought of what a big thing “life” and “love” are.

In my Life I dream.
I dream of things to achieve, feet on the ground about what is possible and what not but I do dream. We need that, I need that. I’d be much less if I didn’t dream and I would be vacuum if I had no goals.

In my life I learn.
i learn about myself, and possibly I wish to be able to learn from others, and I try to be open to that. There is no day in which I do not learn, so I pray to always stay humble enough to know that there is always more, there is always more and it is worth learning from everything.

Yes, maybe I am getting older, but I enjoy my every wrinkle

Love Always ❤

May 22, 2020 0

Love is No Color

Love is All Colors

Love has no color.
That is so, for a simple reason, because it has ALL the colors. It does not have all the colors summing up so to lose their essence and becoming something else, becoming “white”.
White is the sum of all colors, white is for angels, not for us.

Love is more.
Love is ALL colors because it has also dark ones, and the most luminous ones, it has all possible hues. They are each preserved, each one has a reason to be, every season of it. Love is all colors because they are not to be blurred, erased. Each one exists, with its features, and live together with the others, having its reason to be, in beauty.

That is what I think, at least

Love, always ♡

May 21, 2020 0

There is no extrovert like introverts.
When we part our lips to say a word,
it actually contains a world.
Then, eventually, we explode.

May 10, 2020 2

Like This

There is a special moment,
when i do miss You.
It is when i stop doing something
working,
writing,
playing the piano,
talking to someone,
working on a project
creating
doing something.

It is as if you were there,
beyond the temporary focus
of my concentration.
Every time this shift happens
i turn around,
i look for you
to tell you about me
to know about you
to feel you near
to give you nearness
to share my life
to gift you my day
to greet Yours.

More and more
You are the start of my any wish
my shelter
the daily medicine
I do ingest
to heal the mind vibrations
and sometimes
To heal my solitary soul

May 6, 2020 3

Dem0n1us

Another night. Once again she moved to her bedroom to try getting some sleep, once again with no success. Twisting and turning at some point in the middle of the night she moved to the kitchen, surrendering to the fact that sleep would have not come visit her, or maybe it did, in microsleeps intertwined with tears, and all sort of thoughts.

She found him there, in the darkness of the living room, after leaving the kitchen. She didn’t know if she was dreaming or not, if she was awake or not, if he existed or not, but she found him there. He was standing there. She could not discern his figure, his look, his shape. Did he possess a shape at all ?

Ciao. – He said –

Who are You? How did You get in?

She did not feel like being in physical danger, it was too surreal for that. She wanted to know who he was, why. She was not so important, or precious, or rich, or hiding anything special. Nor she felt like being such an interesting sexual prey. So who was he?

Michelle Michelle, I have always been around you, in your mind, I did get in you long ago. We get into someone through shocks, feelings, fears. We do get inside in the most different ways.

Who are You? What do you want from me?

Michelle, Kitty Michelle. People call us in mamy ways, the most common one they use for me is “DemOn1us”. Do you know what is a demon?. You all think it is a relgious thing. Religion stole also this from you humans. Religion wants to claim that right too. Do You know what a demon is?.

I guess so. Something ugly I dont want. Someone I want to kick out of my room right away. I got enough things going on already.

It’s not really like that, but there is some truth in it. You humans sometimes get the truth of things without even knowing.
You know what is a daemon in a computer operating system?
You humans developed that programming thing. You humans developed computers, then developed that thing, the “operating system” to take care of the basic tasks, and then, when doing so, you “invented …” (laugh) a little subset of programs that you called “daemons”. They work in every of your computers, they are little independent programs, that lives their own life. You know nothing about them. They are transparent to anything else your computer do, but they exist, they do little things, they triggers actions, etc.
You can think about me like that, it will help you understand better what I am, what a demon is. I am a demon, Your main demon.

Fuck you. You do not exist. You are just a bad dream, I’m dreaming about you.

Dem0n1us. Dem – 0, 1, Us.
I don’t care whether you think I am a dream or not. You are screwed up. Your nights are “me”. You know that isn’t it?
November 27, April 17, January 2.
There are things that will forever vist you. Each of you humans have them. When You have inside that void, once it has visited you, it can’t be removed forever. Once You have seen death … You know why you didnt do it? It was me, that day you didn’t do it because you accepted that you will carry the damnation of living, for not having your parents suffering. April 17: your heart. That time you fought, you were angry and you did not accept being sick. January 2, 16 y old, the party, you in that room: your persona being destroyed and brainwashed into being nothing, spirtitually nothing, sexually wrong, a weight for your family. Stripped of all that. It wasn’t good feelings keeping you here. It was the little daemons.

I will always be with you. Some nights you will vomit, others you will pray, you know that since then we will always be with you. All those days, everyone has them. Some are luckier than others. Sometimes You will feel like you can feel more, because you are somehow not mental.
Maybe you are a little mental though.
You write.
You must be mental, isnt it?
I know you think like this, I am you, in you, so I know it.
You write, so you must be mental isn’t it?
dont you think it?
You dont do drugs though. I still dont know why, it’d be easier.
Praying ?
You think it will help?
You beliebe in rationalising, does it help?
What when rationalising fails?
When it happens I dance and laugh, inside your head, You crack nuts.

Fuck You, I know you, fuck you.

You are crying, it’s fun to be in your mind. To make you write all this.
Wanna shout it?
Did your father know?
What did he tell you before dieing? January isnt it?
When he coudl not speak anymore and he was looking into your eyes.
When he was not able to speak, and you thought it was time to speak of so many of those little things you see so important.
What about love? Can you love?
And Your accident ? November isnt it ?
How was it when she looked at you after the coma after the accident?
Are You crying Michele?
How is it ? Should I go on ?
Should we speak about April ?
Tomorrow ?
Tomorrow night?
Again?
Should I return?

May 3, 2020 7

♡ 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 ♡

“Strong women do this, strong women do that, a strong woman don’t, a strong woman do …”.

All over the places we are told how a strong woman is the one who doesn’t beg, doesn’t ask, doesn’t stay where she’s not explicitly wanted and requested to please be. Or other things like this and that.

We are told how a strong woman should pretend to be this or that, how she should turn her shoulders in case this is not happening. Oh, no, I do not literally agree to that. It leaves out so much. A strong woman is simply herself, that is the truth.
A strong woman is the one who doesn’t care about being a strong woman, THAT is the truth. A strong person is the one who is herself, that is being strong, that is respecting ourselves and the others.

I am strong when I beg and I am silent, as much as when I demand to be listened. Not one bit less.

Am I not strong when I stay somewhere, even knowing that me giving my time and dedication is not requested and eventually will get to nowhere if not into a gift that may be used or not?

Isn’t that a true sign of how strong and self confident I am?
Isn’t a woman strong when she allows herself to hope for the impossible When she believes in dreams and pursue them, with focus and dedication?
Isn’t she the strongest being when that will make her fall and then she rises again to dream again and again?

How is it that society has pushed us to be slaves to a completely utilitarian way of thinking?
How is it that more and more it is “do ut des” and aligning to a way of thinking and behaving that determines and create a categorisation between who is “strong” and who is “weak”.
To drive people into seeing as stronger the one who “takes” as compared to the one who “gives” is wrong. And how is it that we allow these cages and false boundaries to decide what we are worth to achieve?

Such way of thinking is blind, superficial, it leaves out the core of of self affirmation, it does not recognise the strength of hearts in its entirety, cutting out half of it.

Take this writing, for example. Maybe this has no meaning to exist, maybe it will be read by none, or legions, so what? It can be considered small shitty collection of thoughts by a little woman, “weak maybe” because it has no reason to exist and will lead to nothing.

Well, the fact is: I am ME, and I do it anyway and the fact that maybe a part of me even hopes that someone smiles and feel motivated thinking alike makes me feel ok, it makes me feel everything but not a weakie. Take this writing, I write it because I feel like writing it, because I believe in these things, and if no one ever read it but it still stays written, well, that is one more reason why I am strong, or why I am “me”, while being a simple “dreamergirl” at the same time.

Strong women are the ones that stay, IF they WANT, till they want, and then go. They might stay till they get close to breaking, if they want, or till they feel it is enough, or not a minute. They can stay and then maybe regret they stayed too long, but proud they did their best.

Strong women don’t beg? Wrong.
They beg too, IF they WISH, if they find it worth.
They do it because they are strong, and their begging is a gift. Strong woman are the ones who are themselves, full stop.
Dominant, submissive, begging, staying, going, whatever. They are any way they want and feel. Respectfully, with awareness, and heart. Most of all, strong women do not give a damn about being categorised as strong women.

I Stay, I beg, I speak, I write, I affirm, I make mistakes, I face them, I don’t escape, I smile, I kneel, I love, I laugh, and more.

More than anything else, I am me.

May 2, 2020 3

Wholeness

She stood there. It was one of those moment of blessed loneliness.
A light from above, behind her, projected her shadow in front of her, on the ground. In the silence of the evening, she stopped, facing that challening silhouette. It was the dark image of her, right in front of her, confronting her.

“Without shadow there’s no light”.
“We always are tempted to think the other way round, of darkness as a negation of light, but the truth is: it works both ways”
That was her first thought.

“Maybe without darkness there is also no love”.
She stood there, looking downwards at the dark her.

“How much of me does she holds?”
Then, looking closer, she realised something else. Dark and luminous shared the same origin. Dark melted with shiny. At the very root, she was connected to her dark image.

“I am both. Without you, I’d be lost”
“Wherever I go, I bring You with me”

May 1, 2020 0